John and I will celebrate our 30th Anniversary in June. I love this man with all of my heart, soul, and mind. He is my everything second only to Jesus. The grace and mercy God has had on my marriage over the years overwhelms me.
I’m a church girl. I don’t remember a time when I didn’t go to church...I was practically raised on the pew. So, how on earth did I fall for Satan’s disastrous tactics that nearly wrecked my life and marriage with someone I love so much?
About 12 years ago when our daughters were 5 and 7, John received a significant promotion at work that caused a move to Dallas, Texas. Not too long after, I opened the door of my heart to another man. This led to an emotional affair that quickly went physical.
I betrayed my husband. The one whom my soul has always loved. The one who I promised to cherish and love all the days of my life. The one who makes up half of my beautiful girls' heart.
The morning after it came to light, John went to visit an attorney. Drowning in the guilt and shame of my own sobs, I laid in bed in the fetal position. I desperately called my dad and I told him everything. "Shannon, you cut it off! Cut it off RIGHT NOW." He had a conviction in his voice that I hadn’t heard since adolescence. I'm so thankful my Dad spoke truth to my confused heart that day.
Later that day I saw John’s car pull into the driveway. I pulled myself out of bed, still wearing the same clothes and makeup I had worn the previous day. Slowly, I walked over to the garage door hoping I could meet his embrace but knowing it’s not what I deserved. In that moment it’s all I wanted, needed. I wanted to be in his arms. You see, we have this special hug-thing that we’ve done our entire marriage. I walk into his chest and he envelopes his arms all the way around me as if he is shielding or protecting me. It makes me feel safe, loved.
So, I waited by the door. Finally, it opened, and his red, moist eyes immediately met mine. We slowly stepped toward each other, and with longing I crossed my arms over my chest. He opened his arms slightly and it was enough. I folded into his chest, and the next thing I remember his arms were tightly around me.
“I love you, John.”
“I love you too, honey.”
I learned later, John desperately cried out to God, earnestly begging for direction. He knew divorce was the obvious option, and he knew his friends and family would support that decision, but, should he go through with it? Was Shannon going to leave anyway? Should I serve her with divorce papers and kick her out? All the options weighed heavily, and he longed for answers. He pled for a sign. When he pulled into the driveway, he turned the engine off and sat silently as heartbreak rolled down his cheeks and loomed in the air. He felt God whisper, “I will give you a sign.”
The hug was his sign.
The next 3-4 years was the most difficult season for us. John had to deal with trust issues and the hurt, anger, and bitterness. I felt so unworthy and so unlovable. So dirty and full of shame. I had to face the pain and truth of what I had done, while simultaneously accepting the forgiveness and grace of both John and Jesus. I also had to learn how to accept God’s grace.
We sought counseling and depended on God and the support of family and friends. Healing took several years of hard, grueling work. And although choosing to stay together was wise, it was hardest decision we’ve ever made because restoration after infidelity is extremely painful.
Today, almost 12 years later, we are a fully restored miracle. God did not waste one ounce of our pain. We are whole. Because of Christs’ love, our love is rich and deep. We hold tight to each other, love big and live as if we do not have tomorrow…because we almost lost it.
When I think of the grave possibilities that could have taken place had we not surrendered to Jesus, I shudder. People joke with me about the way we love each other. "You and John are so sappy and mushy!" Yep. We sure are. If you only knew what we have gone through to get here. John and I have learned the gift of God in marriage.
God restores, He heals, and He never runs out of grace!
Shannon wrote an incredible devotional paired with her story linked here.
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